1. Go to the Bar. At some point in the day you may find yourself wandering around the bowels of the Palais looking for water. Well, you won’t find any drinking fountains, zut alors! And the lines for the café can be very long down there. But on the third floor the Connect Bar is quiet for much of the day, staffed by a nice man with refreshments. It is, as he says, ‘rien de stress.’ And in Cannes, rien de stress is good.
2. Go to the Parc. Don’t read this one unless you’re masochistic and slightly bonkers. Still with me? If you fancy some hardcore trail running, then it’s right there if you jog up the Boulevard Lord Brougham and turn right at the bend. Rocky, single track, with a great view of the cemetery, which is an appropriate thing to gaze on when you’ve had too much Ott on a yacht. A half hour there will cleanse many sins.
3. Go to www.brandsincannes.com. A blatantly self-serving plug for a new ranking of how brand owners are performing in Cannes. Good client party fodder though.
4. Go to the Toyshop. It’s called ‘En sortant de l’école’ in Rue Notre Dame. It’s a dense cave of traditional playthings and conjures a vision of childhood that is entirely stripey and beautifully accented. Nicely analog when you’re sick of talking about digital. A moment of innocence before you descend into revelry.
5. Don’t go to the Sea. The sea is trouble. It’s safer not to go in it, on it, under it, or ideally anywhere near it. Though if you have rich friends, you can sit on the terrace of the Hotel du Cap and look down on it, and them diving into it, from a suitably safe distance.